


Hurts Like Hell

by sleepypanda27



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Mentions of Death, Reader-Insert, reader with powers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 00:35:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18905890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepypanda27/pseuds/sleepypanda27
Summary: Bucky and Steve go on a mission. Only one of them returns. Thinking that Bucky died you start hunting down Hydra agents.





	Hurts Like Hell

“Why can’t I go with you? I could help.” You asked Bucky, as he was getting ready for a last minute mission.

“It’s an easy mission, we’ll do the job and we’ll be back soon.” He put his gun in a belt holster and stashed one knife in a holster behind his back, one in his jacket and one knife in his boot.

“Your obsession with knives is getting out of control.” You pointed out, looking at the collection of knives he had spread out over the table.

“This time, I’m only taking three knives, babe.” He laughed, placing others away.

“Come on Buck, Hydra is after you. You know I can help.” You didn’t want to let him go alone. Okay, well not exactly alone, he would be with Rogers, but still, you wanted to help.

“I know, but I don’t want to put you in unnecessary danger.” He stopped in front of you, zipping up his jacket.

“What if someone has to save your ass like I did it the last time?” You crossed your arms on your chest.

“It’s gonna be fine, Steve will be with me.” He said as convincingly as he could.

“And who’s going to save Steve?”

Knowing he couldn’t win this argument, he shook his head, uncrossing your arms and took your hands in his. “Can I get a good luck kiss?” He smiled.

“You better come back alive or I’m gonna find in you in the afterlife and bring you back myself.” You finally smiled, capturing his lips. The kiss turned from sweet to almost desperate. 

Bucky pressed his forehead against yours. “You know that I love you more than anything, right?”

“I know and I love you too.” You pulled away, tracing your fingers along his jaw, tilting it up. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah, little sentimental ’s all.” There was a knock on the door. “Time to go.”

You nodded. He pulled you into another kiss, it almost felt like he was kissing you for the last time.

When you finally walked out of the room, Steve was already waiting for him outside the door.

“You keep him safe.” You ordered.

“I’ll do my best,” He promised with a smile on his lips.

“Bye babe.” Bucky chuckled pecking your cheek. “I’ll see you soon.” They walked away, you looked after them as they disappeared in the hallway. You had a weird feeling that something wasn’t right.

“Are you sure about this?” Steve asked as they were riding down in the elevator.

“If it comes to it, it may be the only option. I don’t want Y/n to be in danger because of me.”

“I don’t like it. Why can’t we gather all of the team?”

“Because we don’t have time for that.”

“She’s going to kill me when she’ll find out how dangerous this is.” Steve chuckled dryly. “Do you want my death?”

“She will be angry at first, but she’s strong, she’ll get over it. Y/n won’t kill you, she loves you.” Bucky said, patting Steve’s shoulder.

“It won’t be easy, won’t it?”

“No, it won’t be a walk in the park.” Bucky turned to Steve. “Promise me you won’t tell her anything until I deal with it all.”

“I promise, but I hate this plan.”

“So do I.”

Three days later, Steve returned home. Alone.

“Where’s Bucky?” You asked growing uneasy when you didn’t see Bucky with him.

He looked up at you with sad eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not funny Rogers. Where is he?”

“It was a trap, they were too many.” He tried to explain.

“What?” You didn’t believe him. “He said it was an easy mission and I have nothing to worry about and now you are telling me he’s…he’s dead? Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

“I wish I was kidding. I-I couldn’t save him.”

You broke down, realizing he wasn’t joking. It hurt like hell, like someone had stabbed you only a hundred times more painful than that. All the lights on the floor you were on just exploded because of you. Steve got down on his knees next to you, comforting you.

“I’m so, so sorry.” He whispered, trying to calm you.

Over the time Bucky’s scent disappeared from the pillows, from his clothes. Now there were only memories of him and his things that reminded of him.

Wherever you looked, it reminded you of him. The kitchen, how every morning you were drinking coffee together and Bucky would always somehow manage to make you laugh over the simplest things. The living room, where you were goofing around and watching movies while falling asleep in each other’s arms. The bedroom, where you spent most of the time together, late night talks, early mornings, lovemaking.

You couldn’t live like that anymore where everything reminded you of him, it was too hard. Now there was an empty space in you, pulling you in the darkness. You decided it was time to leave the compound, without Bucky here, there wasn’t anything else holding you here.

You packed your things and giving your room one last look, you walked away in the dark of the night, leaving a note to Steve, explaining why you had to leave without telling anyone about it. He would understand.

Now that no one could stop you, you started hunting down Hydra agents and killing them, revenging your lost love. Your only target now was to find out who killed Bucky.

Steve tried to find you, Sam and even Clint and Natasha tried to find you, but they couldn’t. They always came too late, when you had already left the place leaving no trace behind yourself. You had only limited your interaction with Steve with an occasional phone call to make sure everything was alright with him and the team. There were times he asked you to return, but you couldn’t just drop everything and return there. Not now when you were so close to finding out the truth.

“What do you want? I’ll give you everything you want.” The man known as Maxim Volkov, who was tightly connected to Hydra was now tied to a chair in some ratty motel room. It was easy to get him where you wanted, a few drinks, some flirting and he was in your pocket, ready to follow you wherever you wanted to go.

“You can’t give me what I want.” You straddled his lap, pressing your knife to his throat, dragging it upwards over his skin, pressing the sharp blade to his jaw tilting it up. “The only thing you can tell me Max, and I strongly suggest not to lie to me, is who the hell killed Bucky Barnes?”

“The winter soldier?” He gulped surprised and little lost. “He’s not dead. No one was able to kill him.”

“Stop messing with me.” You punched him in the jaw. “I said don’t lie to me. You won’t have a third chance.”

“Don’t kill me, think about my children.” He cried out.

“Oh please, you don’t have kids.”

“One day I could have.” He shrugged his shoulders.

“I’m glad you haven’t lost your sense of humor.” You pressed the blade harder to his throat. “Now, tell me what I want to know.”

“There was a rumor he was dead, but he was in Moscow two days ago, I saw him with my own eyes how he killed ten agents. I barely escaped him.”

“I was at his funeral.”

“Did you see the body?” You were lost for a second, there was no body. Standing up, you started thinking about that day. It was a closed casket funeral. Steve had told you that it was better like that, you wouldn’t recognize him if you saw him. You trusted him, because why would Steve lie.

“Your precious friends lied to you.” He laughed spitting out his blood.

“Shut up!” With the snap of your fingers, his neck snapped and his head fell lifeless.

Could it be true? Could he be alive? If he is alive, then where has he been all this time? All these questions without answers spun in your mind. Your phone vibrated in your pocket, pulling you out of your thoughts. Taking it out of the pocket you looked at the caller iD, it was Steve. Few weeks had passed since you last spoke with him.

“Yeah?”

“We need to talk.” He said in a calm voice.

“We do.”

That same night you met with Steve in an old abandoned factory. He was already waiting for you when you arrived.

“So Y/n, still killing people?” He asked with a small smile, walking out of the shadows.

“Someone has to do the dirty job.” You held a distance from him, not being sure why he wanted to meet and what he wanted to talk about.

“There’s another way.”

“No, there’s not.” You stepped closer. “I have a question about that mission and don’t lie to me, I know about Moscow.” You started before he could say something else. “Is he alive?”

“Y/n…”

“Is he alive?” You raised your voice. “It’s a simple question, Rogers.”

He ducked his head as if he would be ashamed. “Yes, but it’s not so simple.”

You felt anger bubbling inside of you, all the pent up emotions surfaced and the next thing you knew, Steve was lifted up in the air, turning red grabbing at his neck for air as an invisible force choked him.

“Stop!” A voice you hadn’t heard in an over a year echoed in the big, mostly empty space. You stiffened for a second, afraid to turn around and face the owner of the voice, you didn’t believe it could be him. But when you finally turned around, you saw the man you’ve missed so much all this time.

There was a concern mixed with anger over his face. Was that longing in his eyes? He almost hadn’t changed at all. The same long hair, beard longer than you remembered, but still handsome. 

“James?” Your voice shook seeing him.

“If you want to kill someone, kill me.” He stopped a couple of feet away from you. “It’s not Steve’s fault, He doesn’t deserve to die for my mistakes.”

You let go of Steve, his body falling to the hard concrete floor, gasping for air. “You couldn’t come earlier?”

“You’re alive.”

“Y/n, I’ll explain everything.”

Anger took over you again, realizing that Steve had known everything all this time – that Bucky was alive, what he was doing and where he was. “You,” You turned to Steve again, lifting him up in the air with your powers. “You knew everything. You lied to me, letting me cry myself to sleep every night knowing he’s alive.” You said through gritted teeth, tightening your grasp on him.

Before you could do anything you would regret later, Bucky caged you between his arms, holding your arms tightly in front of you, so tightly you couldn’t move. ”Please Y/n, if you ever loved me, let me explain.” He pleaded, his voice breaking at the end.

Steve fell to the floor again. “I’m getting too old for this shit.”

You let out a deep, feral scream as you wiggled in his arms, trying to escape him. Everything you wanted to do was to scream and shout, punch something.

“Please.” Bucky held you tighter against his chest. His scent washed over you, reminding you all of the times together. The good old days before all of this whole mess, his laughter, the first time he said he loved you. You calmed down, your anger changing to sadness.

His grip on you loosened. You turned in his hands, looking up at him with tear filled eyes, your vision blurry.

“How could you do this to me?” You slapped him across the face.

“I deserved that.”

You punched him in the chest with your fists, not hard enough to hurt him, but hard enough to make your point. “How could you do this to me!?”

He caught your wrists. “I’m sorry.” He said as you fell down to your knees, feeling powerless and angry, so many emotions bubbling in you, Bucky falling with you. You hugged him and he wrapped his hands around you. “I’m so sorry darling, it was the only option. It only worked if no one knew.”

“Even me?”

“Yes, it was believable only if you were thinking I didn’t survive. They didn’t need you if I was dead. That day we found out about their crazy plan of somehow controlling me with your help. I didn’t want to sit and see if they’re plan would work or not. We had to act fast, so I became a ghost. I had to find out about everything - what they knew about us, what they had planned, who was involved and eliminate them. I was so afraid what would they do with you if they found out about your powers. I blew up my cover in Moscow, so now there’s no use of hiding anymore.”

“You could’ve told me.”

“Would you let me go alone?”

“Probably no.”

“There wasn’t a day where I wasn’t thinking about you. All I wanted to do was return to you, but I couldn’t risk it all.” He sniffed, trying not to cry. “I’ll understand if you’ll never want to see me ever again.”

“I hate you for what you did.” You looked up at him. There was insecurity and fear in his eyes, fear of losing you forever. “But I also still love you, you idiot.”

“I love you too, never stopped loving you.” He chuckled through tears, revealed.

“It was such a dumb idea.” You cried into his chest, gripping his jacket.

“The worst.” He agreed, pressing his lips to the top of your head.

You didn’t know how much time passed when Steve hugged you both. “I love you too, guys.”

“I’m sorry for almost killing you Cap.”

“I forgive you this time.” He pulled back and you all stood up. “You should return home, both of you. Your room is intact. No one touched a thing in there since you left.”

“I killed people. I’m not sure I can return as if nothing happened.” You hesitated.

“After our records, you killed only the bad guys. You are more than welcomed back home. Everyone misses you.”

“I miss the old life.” You looked at Bucky, cupping his cheek with your hand.

“I know it’s a long road ahead of us, you’ll have to learn to trust me again and I know it will be hard after everything I’ve done, but…” You stopped Buky’s speech by crashing your lips with his. Without hesitation, he kissed you back, holding you in a bone-crushing hug. It was like you remembered, like the last kiss you had. Desperate and full of love, but this time you knew for sure it wasn’t the last one.


End file.
